assholes inside (and Dadlopnik question)

"davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com" (davesaddiction) 10/11/2017 at 17:38 • Filed to: None

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Trump and Cosby and [countless others] and Weinstein and apparently Affleck, too.

I hope most women don’t believe that all guys are assholes, but it sure seems like that point is getting harder and harder to sell these days.

Assholes...

Do I have do go home and tell my little girl that all guys are assholes now? Dads of OPPO of older daughters: how have you prepared your daughters do defend themselves for the asshole onslaught?

Ash78, voting early and often > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 17:42

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No, but I’d say that the types of people who pursue (and achieve) celebrity or political careers are far more likely to be those people. That’s why it’s so rare and applauded to see an actual role model at those levels. It’s like people expect you to be corrupt.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Ash78, voting early and often 10/11/2017 at 17:43

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I’d like to believe this.

DipodomysDeserti > Ash78, voting early and often 10/11/2017 at 17:47

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As someone who has participated in various “masculine” activities my entire life, the attitudes represented by those guys are most definitely not limited to celebrities and politicians. It’s endemic within our society. Every woman I know has had to deal with sexual harassment of some sort, with some having been raped, and none of these acts were committed by celebrities or politicians.

WilliamsSW > Ash78, voting early and often 10/11/2017 at 17:47

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I think there’s a lot of truth to that - you get more sociopath/narcissistic people who become celebrities/politicians. On top of that, they’re far more likely to be surrounded by people who never say ‘no’ to them - so not only are they more likely to not care how their behavior affects others, they have a bunch of people around them telling them that it’s OK.

But yeah, there are assholes in the general public, too.

Textured Soy Protein > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 17:50

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I think you’d be surprised by the number of men who are seemingly normal but actually have done something skeevy on one or more occasions, to one or more females. Sure, we have all these rules and societal norms about how people are supposed to behave, but that doesn’t mean men actually behave that way.

I mean, even if you go back just 20-30 years a lot more skeevy behavior was tolerated (by society at large, not the women being skeeved on, obviously) more than it is now. Bad habits die hard.

The total number of skeevy incidents is much higher than the total number of men doing the skeeving. Which means that overall the total number of skeevings experienced by women is high, but it represents a smaller percentage of all men.

Lots of skeevy dudes out there though. And they’re not usually just doing things one time, they repeat their behavior.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 17:52

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Yeah, I think that is a thing. I’m going to have to talk to the kiddo about defending herself and setting firm boundaries.

DipodomysDeserti > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 17:53

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The abuse of women is endemic within our society. I think the best we can do is help imbue our daughters with the confidence they need to not settle for being treated like garbage and to act as examples of how men should treat women.

Giving them the tools to help fight off assault doesn’t hurt either. I grew up with younger sisters and everyone who knew them knew there was a hole in the desert with their name on it if they ever tried to hurt them.

crowmolly > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 17:55

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Just a hypothesis on my part, but I’m supporting my daughter in being open minded and strong willed.

I’m proud of the fact that she gets called “bossy”, but at the same time she’s very sweet and has good manners.

Parenting is a series of guesswork and in this case I’m guessing that teaching her to not take excessive shit will help her later in life. It’s not always going to be some groper trying to get physical. Sometimes it will be someone in a business meeting that would rather “talk to a man” or some other vile crap like that.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > crowmolly 10/11/2017 at 18:09

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My girl doesn’t take any crap, that’s for sure. I’ll make sure to encourage that she keeps that up.

benjrblant > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 18:10

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Do I have do go home and tell my little girl that all guys are assholes now?

No, Jezebel will do this for you.

And these men you’ve mentioned kinda support Jez’s position... )=

Shoop > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 18:12

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Asshole onslaught is a great name for a band

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > benjrblant 10/11/2017 at 18:14

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Well, I’m definitely not pointing her toward Jezebel.

And your second line... [weeping emoji]

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Shoop 10/11/2017 at 18:16

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Well, I can’t disagree with you there.

MC: Prepare yourselves for The Asshole Onslaught!

Sovande > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 18:18

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Yes. Tell her all men are assholes because four famous people are guilty of sexual predation.

gmctavish needs more space > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 18:22

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My girlfriend works in customer service, and from the stories she tells me, this is what I’ve gathered.

At least 50% of men are overtly creepy.

The older they are, the creepier they are and the weirder the shit is they think is acceptable to say.

That said, it sounds like at least 50% of the women are shitty too, but they aren’t sexually harassing cashiers/baristas, which is a big difference.

nermal > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 18:28

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I think the worst part about both the Cosby and Weinstein allegations is how many women came forward after the first one and said “Yeah, that happened to me too.”

The important lesson to teach daughters isn’t that all men are pervs that think they can perv without consequences, but some are. Recognize them and don’t let them get away with it. The important lesson to teach sons is manliness (and gentlemanliness), and this type of behavior is not that.

EL_ULY > Shoop 10/11/2017 at 18:40

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my old thrash band was called Asshole Ventilation lol :]

wafflesnfalafel > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 18:49

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Yep, some guys are d!cks, but not all. Some ladies are too. Just some people in general. I think learning that, (and how to deal with it,) is a big chunk of growing up.

functionoverfashion > crowmolly 10/11/2017 at 20:33

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My daughter is only 3 but already is pretty tough. Her older brother beats her up pretty hard and she just gives it right back. I think that will help later in life, if she keeps it up.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 20:52

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My brother in law took his daughter to ju-jitsu classes and she got to be good enough to whoop on him a bit. And he’s a big dude, but she’s a tough one for sure. Just went off to college. She’s also a strong willed woman, so she should be alright. I always told her that is men are mostly big dummies looking for one thing in particular, and that due to that fact, we do stupid shit.

Ash78, voting early and often > DipodomysDeserti 10/11/2017 at 21:27

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No doubt. But conversely, I’d be willing to wager the rates of assault are much higher among those strata of society. The fact that most assaults are committed by regular people is just the law of large numbers.

DipodomysDeserti > Ash78, voting early and often 10/11/2017 at 21:50

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Alaska has the highest rate of rape among any state. Its the lowest populated, and not really associated with celebrity or politics. In addition, sexual assault in the military, composed of individuals never really associated with celebrity, is fairly high.

I think the high profile sexual assaults in Hollywood are more of a mirror of our general society. People with power over others exerting that power (this is what sexual assault is at its core). Our nation doesn’t elect a president who openly boasts about sexually assaulting women without most people (or nearly most) being ok with it.

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 22:00

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Me and my buddies take our daughters to the gun range.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Sovande 10/11/2017 at 22:07

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Clearly not (sarcasm), but I do think about how I’ll one day have to warn her about how some guys she’ll run into might act.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > gmctavish needs more space 10/11/2017 at 22:08

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That’s not a good percentage.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > nermal 10/11/2017 at 22:09

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The Cosby one hit me especially hard...

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > wafflesnfalafel 10/11/2017 at 22:09

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Sadly, yes.

gmctavish needs more space > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 22:11

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It’s by no means a scientific conclusion, but there are definitely a lot of dudes being really creepy early in the morning at coffee shops. And aggressively hitting on baristas they recognize in public. Not surprising, but definitely a disappointing volume of guys to hear about. Half of them old enough that you’d be worried about causing a heart attack if you hit them.....

gmctavish needs more space > DipodomysDeserti 10/11/2017 at 22:13

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!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

I can’t give you enough stars for this

Xyl0c41n3 > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2017 at 23:23

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Oppo has quite a few members who are women. Women who are in the professional world. Women who have experienced this kind of stuff firsthand.

You could ask us what we think, how we’ve handled it, and ways we think you men could help stop it: by learning to recognize it when it’s happening, by using your voice and influence as men with the men who are doing this shit, and by teaching your sons what it really means to respect women and girls.

Or... you could keep asking the men of this forum how to deal with a problem that is damned near endemic to — and disproportionately affects — women.

Tristan > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/12/2017 at 01:37

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As a dad of a little girl, I’ll be following along. Once she’s a little older, I intend to take her on regular daddy/daughter dates where I can give her an example of how she should expect a man to treat her, and how she deserves to be treated. Whenever boyfriends start showing up at the house... I dunno... Maybe I’ll brandish firearms and reminisce about my time in prison?

Rustholes-Are-Weight-Reduction > EL_ULY 10/12/2017 at 04:48

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Soooo... Fart?

EL_ULY > Rustholes-Are-Weight-Reduction 10/12/2017 at 09:05

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It could mean fart, airing out swap ass or a idiot venting their frustrations. We played mostly Exodus instrumental covers :]

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Xyl0c41n3 10/12/2017 at 09:07

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Yes, I could have, but I didn’t... Since OPPO is 99% guys, I framed the question as I did. If I had directed it to the women of OPPO, I’m guessing I would’ve gotten one, maybe two, responses.

What are your thoughts about all this shit, Xyl0? What’s the worst way you’ve been treated by these assholes (if it’s not too painful to share)? It just makes me sick that these guys are out there preying on women they consider weak, and getting away with it for so long...

I’m confident if I ever do witness something like this happening, I’ll have the spine to intervene. I am teaching my boys (10 & 4) to respect all women and what boundaries are.

What’s your advice for preparing my daughter for a world populated by far too many assholes?

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Tristan 10/12/2017 at 09:08

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Teaching our daughters to expect respect and accept nothing else from any boy or man is a good start.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Xyl0c41n3 10/12/2017 at 09:51

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Related: Rose McGowan’s Twitter (which I read all the way through yesterday) was suspended late last night. Whatever terms and conditions she may have violated, how do they not realize it’s a terrible mistake to attempt to silence her in the middle of all of this?